Clear for a year

Mammogram the same, cyst a little bigger but I guess I don't care. Maybe I'll have it aspirated this year, we'll see. Maybe the not drinking coke will cause it to shrink, apparently caffeine can cause cysts. Maybe I'll ask my doc to have them re-do the ultra sound in six months and then decide then.

Sam still not feeling good, teacher coming to the house tomorrow, which is good. I had to go to her school today to drop off her library book and it just made me sad. But hopefully she'll be back in school soon. Alec has another appt today with his new psychologist. He likes her, she seems nice. They're doing the EGD or EDG on Nov 6, I'm not sure if we start the therapy at Beaumont before or after that but we see Dr Madani this month and we'll find out then I guess. His birthday is on Wed. I can't believe he's going to be 12.

Last night we met Nik and his new girlfriend Kelly downtown for dinner. We haven't see him in months. It was a lot of fun. Of course Alec was convinced he was going to get shot and every driver on the road, except me, was drunk. This makes for a fun outing. Taking him anywhere after dark is loads of fun. It doesn't reinforce "it's ok" with him when we make it home safe. It just means we got lucky. Caitlin is coming home on Sunday for a few days...Woo Hoo...Contact with all my kids in a one week period...

wow..

It's been a while, but I've been busy and overwhelmed and working a lot....Check Alec and Sam's websites for details...I've been doing ok, broke but relatively happy with how things are going. I am going to midnights on Wednesday, which will be good for the kids, I'll see them everyday, except for every other weekend, when I work. But I'll get to pick them up from school everyday. As long as Chris can keep his lips off a bottle while I work it will be good. I'm going to tell him tomorrow that if he screws up once, I will go for custody, child support, go back to days and generally screw up his life more than it is now. That will not be good. But I'm not gonna mess around anymore. There's no reason he can't "do his thing" on the other 7 nights he doesn't have the kids. 7 nights out of 14 he is alone. Why can't he do it then? The kids aren't that stressful. They don't back talk, they argue alot but I just ignore them...hahahahhaa...They don't hit each other, they don't run away, they don't do drugs...They don't cost a lot...I just don't get it.

Caitlin is working at the Grand Lux Cafe and loves it. Nik is working and going to school and is doing well...I miss him a lot, so do the kids.

Oh, fun, tomorrow my annual torture test...Mammogram...still have 2 cysts in left breast ok get ultrasound cry because maybe they've turned into cancer this year oh no they're still black on the ultra sound so they're still fluid filled. Mom and Grandmother I never got to meet died of pre-menopausal breast cancer, why not me??? I don't have the gene tho, got that test before Sammi got sick.

Other new thing, I'm on Topamax to prevent headaches I've been getting, specially since I'm going to mids. It can make you lose weight (that would be awesome). So far the only thing I've noticed is that Coke ( I love Coke like people like coffee) tastes like crap. It tastes like someone left it out all day and it's flat. It's horrible. I feel like I've lost my best friend. I keep drinking it just in case it tastes ok. The kids are getting a big kick out of this. They find enjoyment out of my constant disappointment. I find this strangely annoying. They find this strangely satisfying. Usually it's the other way around. I suppose that's why I'm so annoyed and they're so satisfied. I suppose we both deserve these feelings. I will get my paybacks when they have kids. I can't wait.

www.caringbridge.org/mi/sammijean
www.caringbridge.org/visit/alecrc

Squamantha and Al

Just one of my little nicknames for Sammi....And Alec's only nickname...Actually he has a couple more but they're baby nicknames and he hates them...Boobala or Boob for short....I haven't called him one of those in a long time...He's just Al now. He used to hate being called Al but now he likes it.

Sam is feeling crappy again. I took her downtown on Tues night last week. They admitted her and then sent us home the next day. He said he thought she was having breakthrough migraines. She doesn't have migraines. But I guess Chris is going to take her downtown tomorrow after work. I have to work 16 hours tomorrow. Signed up for overtime that I forgot about. I worked 16 this weekend but need the cash. It's hard to say no to $500.

Al......Baghdad......We might go see an MD at University of Michigan that specializes in eating disorders. The GI guy we saw told Alec he didn't have an eating disorder. Well, no, not in the typical anorexic teenage girl or bulemic person. He has an atypical eating disorder. What that means is that it's not normal but he does have it. I asked Chris what he thought we should do since no one wants to put in a feeding tube. All Chris said is that Dr Sabal says he doesn't need one. She's our reg doc. Sam says Dr Sabal didn't say that but who knows. Actually Alec and I aren't in Baghdad. I think we're on a deserted island and no one knows we're here.

Love Actually!!!!

Jeez, it's been a long day. I took Alec to the gastrointestinal doc today and he doesn't want to put in a feeding tube yet. I think we have some real time constraints but Alec is going to try and gain some weight this week and we'll see from there. I have some real doubts that this is going to work but I have to give it a shot. The doc....

August 11....I've just been so busy...doctors appts all over and working. Blah. Caitlin left for Chicago today. She's all grown up now, checking account, debit card, rent and hopefully a job soon. She's going to wait to go to school til next semester.

Sam is feeling crappy again, of course. Alec is just too complicated to talk about. He's fine but we're just really struggling with what to do. I called in sick to work today, migraine...I'm ok now but feeling the post imitrex blahs.... The kids have their lock in at the library tonight, it's Alec's first one. The library in Wyandotte is in a mansion that used to be owned by the Ford family. (The Henry Fords). So on lock in night, they get to go up to the third floor and hear scary stories and they stay up all night and play on computers, read, play games whatever they want to do. They're going to have a great time.

14 years ago today my mom died. It's not as bad as it used to be but I really wish she were here. She would get such a kick out of my kids. I know I do.

Hello World

Hello all....I know it's been a while but things are crazy crazy. Work...Camp Sunshine....Work...Hot Outside...Chris is being an idiot.....Oldest Daughter Moving next week to big city (Chicago)...Step mom in Hospital....and there's more that I can't get into yet....Needless to say I'm tired and hot... and hot and tired...I'll updat more...

Oh Boy!!!!

One week til I turn 43....It's not a big deal, just another day....A day where about 5 felons are coming back for court dates, so I hope I'll just make it home alive...These are the idiots who flood cells, call me names and hate me. We're getting ready for Camp Sunshine...Sam's excited, but not feeling great. Her grandmother decided she wasn't willing to take a chance that Sam would get sick so she's not taking her to Wisconsin, something they've been talking about for months...She was fine on Friday and on Saturday she couldn't take her. Just another disappointment....No biggie.....Alec is probably going to get a feeding tube, we saw his therapist yesterday, she thinks it's time....He's not thrilled...

Home...again

Sam got home yesterday....She is feeling ok, having some sleep issues last night but that's probably to be expected after 11 days in the hospital. I think we're going to home school her for the rest of the year...There are only 3 weeks left. She can't put anything over her scar so I think she'd be pretty self concious going to school.

Alec went and saw the endocrine doc on Friday and she is recommending a feeding tube. He kind of knows about it but not really. All he heard was "see you in 4 months". I am pretty sure he takes that to mean, nothing will be done for 4 months. But I will talk to him before his GI appt.

I'm ok, I'm stressed and hot (it's like 90 today) but ok. Off for the next 2 days and I'm mainly going to be relaxing.

P.S. I mailed my application for Camp Sunshine, have you?????? xoxoxoxoxo
But a very special women I knew passed away a few days ago while I was in the hospital....My good friend Linda. She was diagnosed with colon cancer four years ago and even then the doctors said she would only live 16 months, but Linda would not hear of another person telling her how long she would have on Earth! She chose to fight her Cancer and four years later(take that Cancer!)she passed away peacefully....pray for her family and friends as this was a great loss to all that knew her.....she was a valient fighter, as are all the CB kids and people with diseases. Remember them, and remember their spirit on this Memorial Day, and remember what they all teach us....You shouldn't listen to statistics on life, but the quality, and willingness to live life!

Taken directly from Sam's website....I have an awesome kid.

Gram positive bacteria....and yeast

Well Sam has sprouted the above in her head...so far the bone is negative. But she's going to need a pic line and then home antibiotics. We can deal with that. She's going to miss a trip to Wisconsin with Nana tho, to watch her cousin Callie graduate from high school. She's been thru so much...The debridement was very painful, I've never seen her cry from pain at the hospital from surgery. Well, except for the spinal repair....she is my hero.. I love her to death.

Alec is probably going to get a feeding tube...I'm happy but I'm sad. The endocrinologist said she thinks it's time. He needs to grow and start puberty and all that fun stuff. He's going to be 12 in 4 months and looks like he's about 8 or 9. Chris is dead set against it and asked Alec "why is she doing this to you?". I want to punch him in the face but I'll settle for verbal attacks. Like, well Chris your son hasn't grown in a year and a half and is wearing the same size clothes and shoes. When it happened to Sam it was bad, but when it happens to Alec it's ok??? I don't think so. Alec was hysterical during the blood draw, I can't even imagine whats going to happen if he has surgery. There won't be any walking him to the OR. They'll be dragging him or maybe just give him a nice little cocktail before...He will be a mess. But he's my mess and I love him. We have so much fun together, usually. He has quite a sense of humor. He comes up with the wittiest things, then I laugh and tell him he's funny and then he gets insulted. Sounds like George Costanza.

They're letting Caitlin walk for graduation even tho she is still 2 credits short. She's taking 2 classes thru the mail to finish out. Her dad bought her a laptop. He never even gave Nik anything for graduation. Must be the money he's saving now that I don't get any child support. She's so excited about her future. So am I. I just wish I were rich so she could have an easier time. Struggle will be good for her tho. I love her.

Nik is doing ok, back on the island, working for the summer. Caitlin is actually working with him so that should be fun. He got a summons for federal jury duty. He's not happy. When he goes, I have to drive him since he can't drive. He's going to be 21 in 6 weeks. Dang, I'm old. I love him.

Fever

Sam still has a fever, it's off and on for 3 days, she's been on strong antibiotics for 3 days. We still have no idea whats going on. I'm going back tomorrow, I brought Alec home. He asked me tonight how people have sex.....Jeez...this is not what I came home for....

Home....Sweet....Home...

Alec went and saw the Wizard of Oz on stage today, his entire school went. He had fun...He ate onion rings today. I've eaten them in front of him dozens of times...but for some reason they smelled good to him today and he ate 3. Sam is still in the hospital...headaches are bad but it's not the shunt. Probably no infection. They're going to mess around with her meds a bit and maybe add depakote, apparently in small doses it's good for headaches. So we'll try it. She should be home tomorrow. Alec is in a really good mood today, I think he's missed me and is glad I am home with him tonight...I know I've missed him and I'm glad I'm home with him tonight....Now if I could just get him to eat chips with his mouth closed....Lord Almighty...

24

My favorite tv show on tv right now, by far.....But my favorite show ever is NYPD Blue. I could watch that show every day...well, I usually do on my off days.....Oh and the number of surgical procedures Sam will have gone thru by this time tomorrow. Another ICP monitor. We hope it shows something. It probably won't. It's so weird, she's nauseated, headachy, gets short of breath, but I think she gets dehydrated when she's dumping...They were supposed to do it today but Dr Sood was just jam packed today with surgeries, so they said she'll be first tomorrow. We have to be there at 6am. Our friend Samantha Mills is there now, she has had more than 200 revisions...She's really cute. So we're looking forward to at least knowing someone who's inpatient too. That always makes it a bit easier. Ok, 6am comes early....I'll update her website tomorrow.

My head hurts!!!!

Ok so this was my week at work. Wednesday....some guy hits a chicks vehicle on the freeway, and then follows her up to 7-11....he steals her purse and gets in his car, he drives away, promptly hitting a tree or something. Gets out of his car and runs. He's about 6ft 3 300 lbs...Been in prison for last 20 years, been out for 4 months. He does not want to go back. He's coked out and mad. So little Scott Ivey finds him and starts screaming for dear life on the radio. Kenny gets there, takes one look at the situation and says to himself, Holy Shit and gets in there with his tazer. About 5 guys later, he's in custody. They bring him in, he has a cut on his wrist but it's not bleeding. He's all sweaty and apparently running from the cops activates your gastrointestinal system (need I say more). So in the meantime I've had 7 other prisoners come in, so I throw Mr Poopy in his cell. A couple of hours later, I tell him I need to process him, he says he's not interested in cooperating, so I turn off his phone. Well this is apparently the thing that pisses him off, so he starts biting his wrist, where it was cut. I look a little while later, his cell is completely covered in blood, puddles of it on the floor, on the door where he's been kicking, sprayed on the walls. They ended up having to do surgery. Then we had 2 guys do 3 separate sexual assaults....Next day, I get 911 call from a guy who says he is checking on his dad and his dad, who is 88, has a bag over his head and he doesn't think he's breathing. I tell him to open the bag so he can check and he just starts screaming, he's dead, he's dead. That was my week at work.

Well Chris got laid off finally, he was lying about his "schedule change". I have no idea what he's going to do. Since he has no money, I have filed for child support...hahahahaha...probably never get it but it's something I need to do. Sam is feeling like crap, headaches are bad. They started her on an antidepressant...We'll try it but I don't think that's what the problem is. Alec is doing ok....he has an appt with psychologist this week. Endo is in 2 weeks. Nik is still a slob...I worked overtime today....and Caitlin is with her friends. I'm going to bed...Happy Mothers Day!!!!!

Chickened Out!!!!

Nik came home last night, it's only for a week, but it's been fun. So far he's watched me cut the grass, bought me some groceries and left his shoes in the middle of the living room. Maybe tomorrow he can take me to lunch. We had fun in Chicago, Sam's back has been bothering her so I took her downtown today and they drew some blood to check her electrolytes. Her back is really sunken in where her shunt is and about 4 inches above it. Nancy says it's usually a sign of dehydration but she's not dehydrated. Nancy was supposed to call me back with results but you know how that goes. I had to pick her up from school at 10:30 due to back pain.

She has a concert tomorrow but I have a meeting at work I can't miss. And she's been invited to the honors ceremony on Thursday, hopefully no one calls in sick so I can make that.

Chris didn't go to work again today. He calls me last night and tells me not to stress out the kids but he had to go into work late for meetings. So I'm like, why would the kids get stressed out because you have to work different hours. I knew he was lying and everytime I drove by his house today, he was home. He didn't go to work. He's all freaked out about possibly getting laid off and he keeps calling in sick. Dumb!!!! And I know he's using Sam as an excuse. Bullshit!!!

I've been so busy lately, working and so I actually went to a social function on Saturday. Redford, the gateway to the suburbs (our township motto, since we border Detroit, has a cinquo de mayo festival every year now. So I went after work, it was fun, I hung out with my boyfriend, Brian (not really). Caitlin calls him my boyfriend.

24. President Logan is a P word. That's all I'm gonna say.

Chicago Chicago

Sam is having some breathing problems so Dr Sood wants us to go downtown tomorrow and get an echo cardiogram. She's supposed to go to school tomorrow, she has a meeting regarding the trip, we are going to Chicago on Thursday for 2 days and she's all worried she won't be able to go to the trip. She went to school yesterday but had to come home early and didn't go today. The ICP monitor showed nothing was really wrong with her shunt, as far as her pressures go.

Alec likes his new school, we have a conference tomorrow at 2:30. He's eating a peanut butter sandwhich at breakfast and supposed to at lunch, we're still working on the lunch one. Caitlin is having fun as an 18 year old but my child support has been cut off 2 months earlier than I thought so the money woes continue, multiplying, never ending. Nikolaas is coming home on Sunday for about 10 days, before he moves to Grandma's cottage on the island and all the fun that entails. Mary Alice, we'll both have kids on boats this summer.

Ok imagine this. Prisoner in cell #1, who was featured on Fox News Channel and CNN as the deranged person trying to burn down a gas station in Redford MI. This guy looks like Leonard, the crazy guy in Full Metal Jacket who kills his sgt then himself. Well, he was back in our jail for court today. He was waiting to go back to the big house when he decided he had waited long enough. He flooded his cell, which in turn ruined some carpet that had just been replaced and also made the ceiling in the garage leak, toilet water all over police cars...not a good thing. We're supposed to check the prisoners every 30 mins. But who has time to do that...When you work the jail, you're also working fire radio and answering 911. When I fed him at about 5, it was dry, by the time I got there at 7pm it was flooded. So I'm sure I'll get written up for this. It just sux....I have a headache...I'm going to bed....



Tomorrow - well really today...Sam is ok, they think maybe she has allergies, her echo came out ok...So we're going to try some sinus and allergy meds for next 4 days then go back Monday and get stitches out and see how she's feeling. So we're heading for Chicago....can't wait..it'll be fun.

WOW

We've had some changes...Nothing earth shattering...Sam is feeling pretty good generally, altho last night when she got home she showed me her back...Swelling and lumbar shunt insertion site is sunken in. JHC.....Alec is changing schools....Chris' work schedule changed so now on the days I work, there is no one to take the kids to school...So my neighbor said to call her sons school and see if they have an opening. I sent an email this morning and the principal called me back within a half hour and said bring him in tomorrow. He's so excited. No one there knows he has an eating disorder or anxiety. He's eating peanut butter sandwhiches now so he can take a normal lunch. He didn't want to take a sandwhich to school because he thought the kids would tease him about eating normal food....Anxiety is a fun thing!!! He said maybe he can make some friends....God I hope so.... I hope this works out for him.

I think Chris has figured out not to call or have contact with us when he's drinking. He didn't call Thursday night and I found out later, didn't go to work either. As long as we don't have to know that he's drinking, it's fine. He can do whatever he wants when he doesn't have the kids....He's getting Sam a new pair of glasses today. She's excited.

Caitlin turned 18 on Thursday....I feel really old. We're going to have a little party for her tonight....I can't get her a present until Friday....She wants me to open a bank account for her...LaSalle Bank, they have branches in Michigan and Illinois so it will be convenient for her. She's gorgeous and beautiful and funny and her girlfriend Rachel said, "If my mom called me as often as your mom calls you, I'd go crazy". And Caitlin said, "I'm glad she calls me, I miss her..." I love you Cutelin.....

June 25 - July 1...

That's the date......Chris had a relapse yesterday.....We talked...It's a nightmare.... I don't even think I can type about it. Basically he's saying he needs inpatient treatment, but can't do inpatient because he works....I'm sure there are a lot of people in his boat.....There must be something he can do....I don't know...I'm tired of his problems...

Green, my favorite color

She has a green valve now, it's an adult valve....She seems to be feeling better, no headache since yesterday, when they put it in. We're home now. Things went pretty well. Finally, we got to see Dr Sood and he said the diagnosis of constipation we got last week is ridiculous since she doesn't drain into her abdomen anymore. He said bring her into the clinic tomorrow, we'll admit her from there and we won't have to worry about referrals. He was awesome. They did the ICP monitor and showed low pressures, so they put in higher pressure valve and voila, she's better.

Do I feel strong??? Nope, but I must be because I'm not a drug addict or an alcoholic and I don't beat my kids and I feel like I do a good job at work, most of the time.....

Getting rest of the Camp Sunshine app filled out tomorrow...Have you done yours???? Love

Shit...

Chris...MIA....I call him yesterday because I'm at work and Sam is at school without lunch money. First time I call, no answer. Second time I call, intoxicated Chris answers. I said just forget it, you can't go up to school in this condition....he says, I already did..I had to take her a tylenol. But she was ok, (he implies, she didn't notice but later I find out she did notice and was mortified.) I told him that he can no longer continue this, what if she needed to go to the hospital. He starts crying and says it's getting really bad and he's either going to live or die. He says I wouldn't believe what he's contemplating. The dispatcher in me comes out....What are you contemplating sir... He wouldn't tell me but I didn't get the feeling he's suicidal...Unless you consider drinking yourself to death. I told him I still loved him and that this was killing me too. He said he knew that...

His mom ended up coming to the station to drop off a corsage for Sammi's induction into the National Honor Society.....I told her he needed help. He was treated for alcoholism about 20 years ago and his mom was shocked to find out he's still been drinking. She had no idea. I'm sure no one in his family did, except my sister in law who deals with the same problem with her husband, Chris' brother.

Chris' car hasn't been home all night and he didn't go to work last night, so I'm not sure where he is. He hasn't been arrested and I called a couple of hospitals. I'm not really worried but there's always that little niggle of doubt that he's gone and done something.

Alec and Sam are worried about him, he should at least call tonight, to let them know he's ok. Not sure how the kids are going to get to and from school tomorrow.....Alec has a half day...This is a fricking nightmare....

****Later...Chris is ok, says he spent the night at a hotel so he wouldn't be yelled at all night...He sounds sober and says he's going to find somewhere to get outpatient treatment....says meetings don't work for him and he can't do inpatient as he has to work.....

This week...

Not sure but I think this week is going to sux....Sam home but still feeling crappy....Alec not eating well...Caitlin graduating and I can't afford it....How much stress is one person suppose to be able to handle??? And to top it off, I have a trainee tomorrow. Dispatching is stressful enough without watching and being responsible for someone else. But it's her third phase and she's pretty good from what I understand, so it shouldn't be too bad. I've overdrawn my checking account and I think my coping account is about to be overdrawn....OY

Atrial...

Sam is having surgery today to change her tubing into her heart instead of her abdominal cavity. Should be a quick surgery but this has more chance for complications....Of course it does...Ok talk later...

Hurting...

Sam is not doing well....her headaches are bad almost all day and the docs want us to wait until the 10th. But I don't know if we can do that...She's missing school..This sux...Her doc is out of town and I think he is afraid, well not afraid, but doesn't want the other ns's touching her, they're a bit more aggressive than he is. Which is not always a bad thing, but he knows her and wants to see her himself. I'm going to send an email to her counselor and get her homework thru tomorrow...

25 years

I just go my invitation to 25th class reunion, high school. Need to lose loads of weight. I called Kim, my friend since 6th grade. We are thinking we might go if we can lose the weight. She said the same thing I did, who wants to go in this condition. Her husband graduated 2 years ahead of us so I'm trying to get her to leave him at home....I don't have anyone to take with me and I'm certainly not going alone. She's really the only one I talk to anymore. It's 62 bucks a person, holy crud...So I'm going to start walking today....It's getting nice out and I have absolutely no excuse whatsoever in the least....

Sam is feeling ok, this cold has kicked her ass but she seems on the upswing. Alec doesn't feel well but he never does...Caitlin is busy,getting ready to graduate. Nik has been busy working, he hasn't been able to come home tho, he's working on Mondays now. I have to go buy Green Tea today. I had some the other day and it was ok and I know it's good for you and Caitlin says it increases metabolism so I'm going to go get some. It can't hurt. I have a training meeting on Friday which is good cuz I only have 2 hours I can take off in the next 6 weeks and this will give me 3 more. Woo Hoo...I'm time off rich...

Plunging....

Toilet plugged up...Chris has my plunger...I'm not happy...Work was long but ok....Going to bed soon. Alec has to see an endocrinologist before we do anything else. I guess she will diagnose him as "failure to thrive" then we can figure out what we're doing next. Of course the appt isn't until May 26. That kind of sux but I'm not surprised. He's trying so hard to eat....but it's just so hard. Sam has a bad cold and these colds just knock her out...Doubling her cortef doesn't help much, maybe we should triple??? Caitlin is at Rachels for the weekend so it's just me and the cat and the guinea pig and the fish. I might spend the night at my dads tomorrow as Jenni and the baby are there. Ok going to bed now....Oh fun thing last night, we were on the way home from my dads and a song by Maroon 5 came on...She will be loved....Me and Cait and Sam were singing like crazy...It was just a very fun loving happy moment. On the way to my dads, a song by the Offspring came on. Sam loves them....hard rock...we scream the lyrics..you just have to...next thing we hear is Alec's little voice....screaming..it was classic...

Bed...

Have to go to work tomorrow, Tues, Fri, Sat, Sunday. Gyn appt on Wed...Woo hoo, highlight of my year...Will also talk to Dr about Alec and his non-eating status. Does he "qualify" for Feeding Tube??? I have no idea. What is the normal procedure for this..I hope to find out then. I'm not going to stand by and watch my little boy disappear.

Ok seriously, I need to go to bed....Should be an ok week. Should be...

Tired.....

Ohmigod, the last 3 days were complete hell.....Picture this...Monday, nice warm sunny windy day. First thing people must think in Redford and surrounding area (Detroit) let's go out and commit all those crimes we've been waiting all winter to commit. Here comes Ellen, working for Lisa, kind of excited to work with different people for a day....Holy Hell, 21 prisoners all day. They're almost all felons so they won't go to court til Wed or Thurs....I need, I want...Ur a bitch....Picture 12 hours of that...Emotions on that shift are kind of high...no down time....Then I come in on Wed, same thing, maybe only 17 prisoners.....People are now 24 hours more pissed off than they were yesterday and I'm sure they weren't glad to see me. Jon brings in scummy female, she promptly falls out and has a "seizure". Oh Jeez....to the hospital they go. She comes back with a spit mask over her entire head and drool all over her shirt. As soon as Bob walked in to pick her up, she shat herself....He regrets volunteering. This was my week at work. Needless to say I'm going to bed and dream of flowers and children running thru fields of gold. OY

Alec

We went to see Dr Garner on Thursday. She has suggested that maybe we bring him in for a few days over Easter break and jump start his eating. It wouldn't be an over night thing. I am going to call his doctor and see about possibly getting him evaluated for an feeding tube. He has not gained any weight or height in the last year and this is completely unacceptable to me. He's 11 years old. Should be starting puberty. He looks like he's about 9. He doesn't know about the feeding tube thing. It has been mentioned to him before and of course he gets weepy but I'm not willing to accept him as he is. He needs help.

I won't be discussing this with his father. That probably sounds crazy but Chris, in the last year, has done nothing to help Alec. Never gone to the doctors with us to find out how to help, never tried to get Alec on an eating plan. Yeah, I think he's tried to get him to eat chicken a couple of times but it wasn't with the specific intent to make it part of his life. If Alec could just eat pizza, that would be huge. He could eat it at birthday parties, and school parties and feel normal and not dread them.

We had some thunder storms last night, Alec lays there and wimpers and covers his ears. I told him over and over, quietly, that noise can't hurt him and nothing was going to happen.

They came home from Chris' house smelling like crap. Smoke, it was gross. It was too late to give them baths tho. They're still in bed. Sam is very upset about Emerald, who died a year ago yesterday... and Alec was upset because Chris was yelling at him and hitting things because Alec misplaced his cell phone. Alec was scared when he got home. That's about it. I have to work Tues, Wed and Thurs this week. Working for Lisa, who worked for me a day in February. Then we'll have a fun weekend.

When I grow up...

Sammi says she can't wait to grow up. Why??? Is it going out on your own?? Being a grown up with all the fun and responsibilities that go along with it??? Getting a car, house, husband, babies??? No, so I can tell my dad that I know he drinks and the cologne and toothpaste don't cover it up at all, like he thinks it does. That was her answer. She came home hungry yesterday because he slept the whole time they were there and wouldn't make her anything to eat, and Alec came home without his homework done because he slept the whole time they were there and Alec needs help staying focused on his homework.

This has been a crappy day. Called neurosurgery office, they will call back....Yeah , right...No call. Sam got her stitches out...Ouch, she cried a bit and there was bleeding involved, but now she's ok. Alec bummed out he still weighs 55. Caitlin bummed out she weighs more than 90 lbs. She prob weighs about 120. She's 5ft 6inches. She's perfectly perfect. I only weighed 107 lbs when I was her age, way too skinny. Sam happy she weighs 79 lbs. Jeez, she's getting hefty....Pants that fit her 2 weeks ago do no fit now. She wore her last pair of shoes for about a month, now ready for next size. I can't afford to keep up with her.. Might have to hit the resale shops. I'm so bummed out about Chris being such an ass. I keep telling myself that I can't change him and I really know that but it would be nice if he would get his head out of his ass. I told Sam today that it'll probably never happen. Bad habits are hard to break.

Long Day

I feel like I'm in a funk. The kids went to Chris' for the evening, so I stayed home with Caitlin and Rachel, who are always entertaining. They did home work then hit the sack. I wanted to go to church for ashes but then decided that would involve taking a shower and getting dressed so I declined. I love going to mass but no one ever wants to go with me. I did decide to give up fast food for Lent, that should knock off about 50 lbs by the time Easter rolls around. I took a nap today and dreamt that a whole bunch of guys at work walked in on me in the bathroom and so the next day I came back to the PD and punched them all in the face, breaking 2 pairs of glasses in the process. Now I only remember one person that was in the dream and he probably does deserve to be punched. OY

Answer the damn phone...

I should answer the phone...They are just trying to help me pay my gas bill....Ok I promise, next time they call, I will take a deep breath and just answer. How bad can it be???? Ok house needs serious attention...Yesterday was blow off day, I was tired and fighting off a migraine. Today Nik and I are going to Old Navy so he can spend his hard earned money on clothes and so I can wish I had more money to buy him some myself. Oh well, He's almost 21 now...It's time...

I answered, I'm good til the 10th...Phew it's cold out there...I hate this living check to check, well barely, but it's better than living alcohol binge to alcohol binge...

No Change...

Sam says she would not change a thing about her life. Well, I am sure she wishes her dad and I were still together, but she is talking about the last 3 years of her life. She has learned so much, taught me so much and lived so much that it has all been worth it to her. I have to go, it is about 20 degrees in my house and my right hand is so cold I can barely type.....Going to bed...tiredness is setting in.... 9 hours of sleep would be great....Love you all...Ellen p.s. she came home yesterday. I pick her up at Nanas tomorrow, cannot wait, I miss that little girl with all my heart. Our house misses her. Abbey misses her and Alec does too, even tho he probably will not admit it.

Livejournal

I should learn to photosynthesize.

[23 Feb 200603:28pm]

[ mood Airless. ] [ music Mirah ] In a recent interview, mother of four Ellen Robertson attributes the shortness of breath to "stress." "I get short of breath whenever I get stressed out, too," Robertson explained. Seventeen year old patient Caitlin Kirkpatrick disagrees. "WebMD said that there is only one possible reason why every day it feels like rubberbands are being wound around my lungs. It's congestive heart failure," said Kirkpatrick. Robertson, who is indeed Kirkpatrick's mother retorted, "Or it could be late onset cystic fibrosis." Parents just don't understand. Can you tell that Caitlin is an editor for the school newpaper????

Canton PD

I have a daughter in the hospital and I have to go to Canton PD this week, Monday thru Thursday 8:30 am to 4:30 pm to take a class I've already gone to. I have been a training officer for about 7 years and now I have to take the class again. But whatever, just bad timing. Sam's doing ok, little scare with her sodium yesterday but it's back to normal today. It's cold here today, it's 11 but it's warmer than yesterday. Alec and I went to a movie and dinner last night. It was fun, we always have a lot of fun together, even when I'm forcing him to eat.

PseudoCRAP!!!!

Sam has a pseudocyst in her abdomen causing all these problems. Now I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to work and be at the hospital at the same time. I called in sick tomorrow but Thursday is a problem. I'm out of sick time. Who needs money anyway???? I'm home tonight with Alec so he's happy for the moment. Not sure what we're going to do next week......Ok I'm done with my pity party, I'm going to go to bed and sleep like a baby. Uh huh....

Chris forgot to pick up Alec again. I was downtown, waiting to find out whats happening with Samantha and tried to call him to let him know we were still waiting. No answer..Ok he's probably in the shower. Call back at 11:50, no answer, Alec supposed to be picked up at 11:20. I call the school...Is Alec Robertson still there? Yes he is, he's the last one to be picked up. I'm down at Childrens with Samantha, I don't know where his dad is, I'll see if my daughter can pick him up. Caitlin, I'm sorry, I know you don't have a car and that we count on other people to drive you around sometimes but could you beg someone to leave newspaper, which is so important, and go pick up Alec? Sure mom, of course...Where's Chris...I don't know Caitlin....Alec is finally picked up by Chris at 12:22 (according to Alec)....Chris where were you? Oh I accidently set my alarm for 11:45 instead of 10:45....Yeah right, then why did it take you another 35 mins to pick him up...I've worked midnights, I know it sux but you better damn well know that I wouldn't have been late picking him up on a day when my daughter was in the hospital and everyone is counting on me to do this one little thing.

Brown Valve

Sam's valve for her shunt is now brown, whatever that means. It used to be yellow. The brown is not working, she feels like shit, head is killing her. So we're waiting for Dr Sood to call back, to find out what we're going to do. Update....ER tomorrow morning, she's developed a leak and has a huge swelling on her back. Dammit all!!!!

Growth Hormone strikes Sammi's shunt!!!!

http://www.caringbridge.org/mi/sammijean

Sam's shunt needs to be replaced since she's outgrown this one, thanks to the growth hormone...We always thought she'd outgrow the tubing but never thought about the shunt. She's up and walking around, for some reason her left eye was swollen this morning but looks better now. We're doing fine, having fun and trying to figure out how to make her birthday (13th) good while we're in here....Any ideas?? Send them to me. Love, Ellen

ICP

Tomorrow Sam is having an ICP monitor placed, not a big deal but any surgery can be a big deal..I'll update as soon as I can but check her website for more...Thanks. Ellen

Gray Hair

Sam thinks I look good in gray hair, what the hell does she know???? Nothing. So I have fixed the problem and now I have brown hair. She doesn't feel good. Back hurts and swollen (feels warm to me) head hurts when she stands up. She couldn't even describe it, she said it was almost like someone is sitting on her head when she gets up. Tomorrow I take her to Childrens for an EEG to check on her shaking hands but if she's still feeling like crap, we'll go to Neurosurgery so Nancy can tell us that she's constipated.

Alec ate mashed potatoes tonight. The first vegetables to pass his lips since he ate baby food. He cried, gagged, puked and spit out a bite which landed on my pants. But then he ate a bite and swallowed it and laughed at my continued complaining about him spitting potatoes on my pants. He chooses to be upset with himself that he has waited this long to eat potatoes. I told him to not think about the past, it is all up from here baby. But he does not get it. He wants to go to camp this summer, I told him he is going to have to start eating food. Tomorrow I think we will stick with potatoes so he can get used to them. It is almost like feeding a baby for the first time, dont tell him I said that, he is very sensitive. It was a long day and I am crabby and going to bed now, as soon as I see which lesbian the lesbian on "date with my mom" picks.

Drinking not allowed...

Darn it,I'm almost positive that no drinking is allowed at Camp Sunshine. I have the apps too, have our part filled out, just not sure which doc should fill out the "oncologist" part since we luckily never had to deal with that. Thinking neurosurgeon??? I am getting really excited about going...And I hope that B follows up with Dr Allen. He will sit down with her and pay attention to her and listen to what she's saying and look at her H and give her lots of good information.


This weekend was long....Gosh, 36 hours of work in 3 days is a lot. I thought it would get easier over time but nooooooo...Nik came home last night so all 5 of us are together. I have to take Caitlin to see her ortho guy today, Ira. We just love the cute Canadian.

I'm watching "City of Angels" with Meg Ryan and Nicolas Cage...I love this movie but it makes me lonely and that's not good. But it's such a good movie...Ok I'm off for a nap...naps are good.

I can wait 6 days....

Caitlin, don't read anything into this...it's not a date....it's dinner with a friend......

Headaches, headaches, headaches....

Had a nice one myself yesterday....Took a nap, I've been waiting 6 days to do that and when I woke up I had a horrible headache. Took Alec to Ohio and the Dr surprised me by saying she has nothing more to offer us, maybe there's somewhere closer to home she could refer us to. That's fucking great. I don't quite understand this and couldn't really ask her about it since Alec was there. We're going back in a couple of weeks...I don't even know where to go with this. He knows what he needs to do but he's just unwilling to try.

Sam has been having bad headaches again....I think it's the constipation, she doesn't...Maybe I should give some more weight to what she thinks since it's her body, however she is very much against the preferred treatment for constipation and may just be trying to fool me. Wouldn't be the first time...They're going to be starting her on estrogen, possibly in 3 months. We decided that when it starts, she's going to change the song on her website to "Man, I feel like a woman" by Shania Twain.

Caitlin is taking finals this week and is happy because Rachel is spending the week with us. Cortney spent the night last night, as did Kelly, I think. I am glad she has so many friends...Again, I'll complain about the size of my house. Not enough room for 3 people to spend the night...We had fun the other night, we went to BW3's for dinner, took Sammi...we all laughed our asses off. It was a good night.

Nik is coming back on Sunday to spend 2 fun filled days with us. He had to leave on Monday and therefore Sam told him he had to come back...I'll be off on Monday and Tuesday so she'll get to spend more time with him. She just loves him to death. Nik and my Uncle Mike always have lots to talk about. My uncle is a, let's just say, he's very worker oriented in politics in Canada. There have been times when he was banned from crossing the border....But he's funny and cool and very non violent. My aunt Betty came over, she's 91 and slowing down but she loves her family very much. Aunt Pam, who works at the casino in Windsor, is looking for a clear purse for work. She has to wear a jump suit with no pockets and carry a clear purse, so as not to be tempted to steal large amounts of canadian currency that belong to the casino. Uncle Joe got in a fight with a Corelle plate and lost, but he looks much better. Was choking, hit the floor, plate first. Got large laceration over his left eye, and shards of corelle were embedded in his neck and chest....Yuck.... And my cousin Jess is 15 now, Grade 10 (not 10th grade, it's Canada after all) and beautiful...We had a lot of fun on Sunday....

Ok, I guess that's it...I should be updating more often now that the auto show is over....

2 weeks???? I don't think so....

Oooops, someone forgot me..but I won't take it personally. Things are good today because tomorrow is pay day. Work was long today, pretty busy...lots of prisoners and good stuff like that. And my favorite, lots of stupid people on the phone. A lady said I was a bitch. She might have been right. Any day I come home uninjured is a good day. Tomorrow, endo appt for Sammi. She's having some hip pain which she is convinced is slipped epiphysis. That's when your hip bone grows out of the joint. It happens to some kids on growth hormone. She's funny. She's smart and she's my daughter...Fun weekend planned. Bowling, Detroit Historical Museum on Saturday.. and on Sunday it's the Canadian Family Reunion. Nik is coming home, Caitlin and Rachel will be here and all my relatives. It's going to be a lot of fun, I just wish I had a bigger house..OY....

Auto Show

We went to the auto show tonight, it was lots of fun. Alec and Sam sat in every car they could and they had a couple cars where they took their picture with a digital camera and after tomorrow it will be on the internet. They were so excited. Caitlin and Rachel went with us. They got to see where I work down there.....Alec didn't want to go at first but when he saw the Jeeps, he just went crazy. He's got a thing for Jeeps.

Now we're doing homework, taking showers and waiting for the second installment of '24' to start. Thank you Mary Alice, I am doing the best I can "now" and will try to forgive myself. Nik and Caitlin both accepted my apology and Caitlin said they talked later and I am a great mom. We're praying for Lizzie's scans to come out as great as Sam's did. Love.....

Self Realization Sux

Ohmigod....I feel like I just got hit by a car and my best friend told me to F off all at once. I was at Chris' house, they've been watching home videos all day and Sam was excited for me to watch this one of her and Alec dancing and singing. She was like 8 so he would have been about 6. They were so cute and we were cracking up because Alec was in his underwear and didn't know the words, but very expressively singing. Then Caitlin was in the background, she helped Alec put his guitar back on after the strap broke and then she must have sang and Sam told her to be quiet. She must have sang again and Chris said to her, "Go...just go"... really snotty, Like he always talked to Nik and and a lot to Caitlin. Caitlin went upstairs and apparently I didn't say a fucking word. What the hell was wrong with me??? I can't believe I didn't say anything. Didn't I care about Caitlins feelings? Was it so important to keep Chris happy that I let my children suffer? Well the answer folks is yes. Oh my God, I just feel horrible. I just tried to call Caitlin to apologize and she didn't answer. I don't think I can ever apologize enough for what I've done. I just left his house in tears, the kids calling after me, but I am so ashamed of myself, I couldn't face them. How do you deal with something like this?? Can I ever forgive myself??? Sam asked me tonight if Chris is coming to summer camp with us...The answer is now no....I'm pissed at him too, all Caitlin wanted was to be part of what we were doing and he sent her away. I think Caitlin and Nik spent most of their teenage years up in their rooms, away from him and away from me because apparently I was a big chicken shit around him. Nothing like that will ever happen again...Ever...

Too Much!!!

Too much work, not enough sleep, too much alcohol (not me), too much disruption to the kids....I'll update more tomorrow...Barbara I am sorry I haven't answered you yet, I'm hoping tomorrow....I'll be at work with nothing to do for 18 hours starting at 1am. I got called in, I said yes, therefore I am not the brightest bulb in the pack.

NAIAS

Well, I worked the auto show yesterday, it was fun. Yesterday and today are press days. That means there are a lot of press people there. But that also includes movie stars and stuff, who are assisting the car companies with their new car debuts. Eva Longoria and Angie Harmon were there, along with Tommy Lasorda, who drove a Jeep thru a window. (Dang, I missed that one). I've heard that it costs the car companies 350 millions dollars just to set up the Detroit Auto Show. I hate to think that's true. Imagine if they just didn't do it one year and they donated that money to kids brain tumor research. But it's unbelievable how much they put into this show. And we in the security office all run around like chickens with our heads cut off to help these rich people. Most of them are nice but once in a while you get a snooty one.

Mary Alice, I wonder if she's tired because her GH dose is kind of small. They had to lower it when she started having joint pain and headaches. She'll check her IGF-1 levels for sure. Last time they checked it, we went to the main lab instead of the endo lab and they ran the wrong test. That could make her tired, right?? OY

Dream...

I had a dream last night that Sam had breast cancer and Chris wouldn't help me drive her for her radiation treatments, a girl at work was taking her (why I wasn't, I'm not sure). Finally I started yelling at him but he just turned away like he always does. I'm sure this is related to his inability to assist me in any way for Alec but it's just weird. My mom and grandmother both died of premenopausal bc so I'm sure that's why it was part of this weird dream. OY. We went to see Narnia again. We invited Chris. He actually came. Usually we invite him to things and he declines, mostly due to his level of inactivity I'm sure. If you have 8 bucks, take it and go see this movie. We've seen it 3 times. It was awesome.

Sam hasn't been feeling very well, she's always tired, always always always. We go see the endocrinologist on the 20th. We always complain about this, but there doesn't seem to be any reason. I think the shunt tires out her body. I have no reason to think that and I've never heard of it, it's the only thing I can think of. Oh well....

Cutelin!!

Well, her favorite color is black so I thought I'd write about her in grey...Caitlin is a beautiful, funny, aggravating, smart and about to graduate from high school and start her life. She's moving to Chicago with her friend Rachel. She's going to go to college. Of course all of this is contingent on her getting financial aid.

Caitlin has a troubled relationship with her dad, my first husband. For some reason, in their family, girls are treated like complete shit. She knows this and seems to deal with it ok but it's really weird. I feel sorry for her dad, he doesn't know anything about her and will never know as much as he should. How he can live with himself, I'll never know. He's probably seen her 4 times in the last year and doesn't ever call her. He yells at her, saying she should be calling him. Whatever dude.

Caitlin is a great writer, artistic, but not in a drawing way, in every other way. She is funny and impatient. (Seems to be a theme with my kids). She has lots of good friends. Her friends are fun. They make me laugh. I am so excited for her to grow up, she has no idea. She just thinks we want her to move out so Alec can have her room. Little does she know that her mother is proud and can't wait to see how she turns out....She wants to be a lawyer. We'll see.....

Caitlin was born with a congenital birth defect in her right collar bone, it was in two pieces when she was born. It didn't bother her too much until she was 15 and so we had to get it surgically repaired. The surgery was really painful for her and then she had to have surgery to have a pin removed. Then about 10 months later, she got into a car accident. She told me her collar bone was hurting but didn't tell me about the car accident because lo and behold she had been skipping school. (Ask her how pissed I was when I got a copy of the police report). I got a call from home while I was at work, saying that Caitlin went to change her shirt and felt the bone break. Can you say OUCH?? Can you say don't lie to your mother and don't skip school? So they had to go in and fix it again. Ira (her ortho guy, who is very cute and a very nice doctor)was not happy. So they fixed it and then the pin broke so they took part of it out. And the rest is sitting in her collar bone pointed straight at her heart. So we get xrays every couple months to make sure it's not going to kill her.

I love Caitlin with all my heart and I can't wait til she grows up.

It's Saturday

Thought I'd try blue today. Green and blue are my favorite colors. I like blue better when it's with green.

Well, Alec slept til 4pm yesterday. He's been staying up later and later (they're still on Christmas vacation, they go back on Monday). So I made him take a tylenol pm and we laid down at midnight, he actually fell asleep around 1, I was really surprised. He and Sam are still sleeping. I think Monday is going to be a rude awakening. They didn't want to get up to go bowling, they love to go bowling.

Well, today I think I'll talk about Nik, my oldest. He's 20, living about 40 miles from here, working at a restaurant for the winter. He's about 6foot 1 and weighs about 140. Why is it that I have extremely thin children?? Oh yes, I used to be extremely thin myself. Arghhhh. Anywho, he went to Central Michigan University for 2 years, but we couldn't afford it this year so he's working and trying to save money for next year. He has juvenile macular degeneration, in other words, he's losing his vision. When he was younger, he was a really good baseball player, a pitcher and a really good hitter. Then when he was about 9, all of a suddent he couldn't hit the ball to save his life. We got his eyes checked and they prescribed glasses but he still couldn't hit the ball. They could never get his vision to 20/20. We took him to Childrens Hospital when he was an early teen, but they couldn't find anything wrong, other than some increased pressure and an increased cup to disc ratio (still not sure what that means). When he was 17, I took him to get his eyes checked and they optometrist said he had amblyopia, which is lazy eye and is almost always diagnosed in little kids. I was kinda pissed that no one mentioned this. So we took him to an opthamologist who said he had Stargardts, which is a form of JMD. He had some more testing done, we ended up at Henry Ford Hospital in Detroit and were basically given the news, he's losing his central vision, there's no way to fix it, we'll just keep an eye on it. Well, in the meantime, he can't see well enough to drive, so he is way more dependant on people than he likes. He holds books right up to his face to read, his print on his computer is really big and he has to be right in front or over something to see it. Try asking Nik to find something for you. You'll end up doing it yourself. But he, for the most part, takes it in stride.

Of course there's much more to Nik than his failing eyesight. He is funny as hell, lazy, extremely smart, (did I mention lazy?), impatient, very cute, and obnoxious. I have to take the bad with the good. Whenever he's with us, it adds a layer of humor that we're missing, but it also adds a layer of stress. Nik irritates everyone eventually except Sam. They are so close. Nik is about as liberal as someone can get. (He gets that from me). But he makes me look like George Bush in comparison. (And I don't like that at all). It's weird having a 20 year old son. When I was pregnant with Caitlin, I was in the hospital for 5 weeks, so I had to stop nursing him. He was about 2. Well, the day I got out of the hospital, my mom brought him back home and he looked at me and said, "I want num-nums". I love telling him this story. He just looks at me and walks away, shaking his head, cursing the moment I became his mother. He wants to major in political science so he can eventually piss off the whole world, not just residents of SE Michigan...Ok, I'll write more tomorrow, probably about Caitlin. That's something I have to psych myself up for.

Down to 2 bottles!!!

Well Sam reported at 2100 hrs as requested. She states the in bathroom liquor cabinet is down to 2 bottles. She left him a little note. It simply said, "Please stop, Love, Sammi and Alec". Do I think it will help?? Nope. But she's putting forth the effort. Nothing I've done has ever helped, maybe it will mean more coming from his children.
I have a union meeting today, which will involve cops drinking beer and yelling at each other. Almost as fun as the Rose Bowl Party!! I'll update later I think after the meeting...

2 Weeks

Went to my first ever Rose Bowl Party last night, at Brians house. He has a huge house, I am very jealous. Lots of people from work, I felt a little uncomfortable, I feel so out of place, fat, gross, ugly and totally unable to say anything without stumbling or mis-speaking. But it was still a lot of fun, cops are nothing, if not funny. I won $125 in the 3rd quarter thanks to Texas not taking that field goal kick until the 4th quarter. Thanks Longhorns!!!! I then went to Meijer this morning and spent it on groceries. Woo Hoo....such a party animal. Started working at the auto show today. This is my 5th year. It is really nice extra money. $19 an hour to switch people to someone else. God forbid, we get a bomb threat or something, but that is why they have dispatchers answering the phones, ever since 9-11. The kids are with their father tonight. Sam thinks maybe he was drinking earlier in the day, she is going to check fluid levels in his vodka bottles in the bathroom and report back to me at 2100 hours...I will let u know. I am tired, going to lay down...

Hey....

Well, I've decided to keep updating this blog. Sam's website is hers now and I have no where to write. Not sure how honest I'll be able to be, you never know who might read this. But anything I say is my opinion and mine alone.

I am married but separated. Hubby has drinking problem, been dealing with alcoholics my whole life and have decided I'm done with it. Unfortunately, I still love my husband a great deal but I am unwilling to live like that anymore. It would be easier if he was always an asshole and not just sometimes. I am broke all the time but my kids are relatively healthy (for the moment) and they are relatively happy (til school starts again next week). My oldest Nik is 20, he's on his own now, working and trying to deal with losing his sight. That pretty much started our health suck fest, about 3 years ago. Then my 12 year old daughter Sam was diagnosed with meningitis. They found a brain tumor and what followed was a 16 month "we don't want to do a biopsy" period, where she was progressively getting worse and worse. Headaches, nausea, shunt insertion, infections, malfunctions, not able to go to school....They took it out in July 2004 and altho she has a lot of hormone deficiencies,she's pretty much good to go. She is getting straight A's and is making lots of new friends. My 11 year old son Alec has anxiety and an eating disorder. Talk about crappy. He is such a strong kid, he just doesn't know it yet. We are going to a clinic in Ohio and we're working on getting him to gain weight. He only weighs 56 lbs. It's going to be a long haul but we can do. Unfortunately, hubby is not on track with us on this. He refuses to participate in any of Alec's treatment. Not sure why, Guilt??? Ignoring is easier than dealing with?? I agree but obviously it's not the right way to go when you're talking about your childs health. And my daughter Caitlin is 17. She was born with a congenital malformation in her right collar bone. We finally had to get it fixed about a month before Sam got sick. And then she got into a car accident and broke it again, so back for more surgery. She's had 4 surgeries so far I think. She a gorgeous creature if I do say so myself. She's a really good kid, other than being female and 17. She wants to go to Chicago and go to college in the fall.

Ok, that's enough for today, Sam's feeling like crap and I have some laundry to do so I'll write more later. Love, Ellen