Clear for a year

Mammogram the same, cyst a little bigger but I guess I don't care. Maybe I'll have it aspirated this year, we'll see. Maybe the not drinking coke will cause it to shrink, apparently caffeine can cause cysts. Maybe I'll ask my doc to have them re-do the ultra sound in six months and then decide then.

Sam still not feeling good, teacher coming to the house tomorrow, which is good. I had to go to her school today to drop off her library book and it just made me sad. But hopefully she'll be back in school soon. Alec has another appt today with his new psychologist. He likes her, she seems nice. They're doing the EGD or EDG on Nov 6, I'm not sure if we start the therapy at Beaumont before or after that but we see Dr Madani this month and we'll find out then I guess. His birthday is on Wed. I can't believe he's going to be 12.

Last night we met Nik and his new girlfriend Kelly downtown for dinner. We haven't see him in months. It was a lot of fun. Of course Alec was convinced he was going to get shot and every driver on the road, except me, was drunk. This makes for a fun outing. Taking him anywhere after dark is loads of fun. It doesn't reinforce "it's ok" with him when we make it home safe. It just means we got lucky. Caitlin is coming home on Sunday for a few days...Woo Hoo...Contact with all my kids in a one week period...

wow..

It's been a while, but I've been busy and overwhelmed and working a lot....Check Alec and Sam's websites for details...I've been doing ok, broke but relatively happy with how things are going. I am going to midnights on Wednesday, which will be good for the kids, I'll see them everyday, except for every other weekend, when I work. But I'll get to pick them up from school everyday. As long as Chris can keep his lips off a bottle while I work it will be good. I'm going to tell him tomorrow that if he screws up once, I will go for custody, child support, go back to days and generally screw up his life more than it is now. That will not be good. But I'm not gonna mess around anymore. There's no reason he can't "do his thing" on the other 7 nights he doesn't have the kids. 7 nights out of 14 he is alone. Why can't he do it then? The kids aren't that stressful. They don't back talk, they argue alot but I just ignore them...hahahahhaa...They don't hit each other, they don't run away, they don't do drugs...They don't cost a lot...I just don't get it.

Caitlin is working at the Grand Lux Cafe and loves it. Nik is working and going to school and is doing well...I miss him a lot, so do the kids.

Oh, fun, tomorrow my annual torture test...Mammogram...still have 2 cysts in left breast ok get ultrasound cry because maybe they've turned into cancer this year oh no they're still black on the ultra sound so they're still fluid filled. Mom and Grandmother I never got to meet died of pre-menopausal breast cancer, why not me??? I don't have the gene tho, got that test before Sammi got sick.

Other new thing, I'm on Topamax to prevent headaches I've been getting, specially since I'm going to mids. It can make you lose weight (that would be awesome). So far the only thing I've noticed is that Coke ( I love Coke like people like coffee) tastes like crap. It tastes like someone left it out all day and it's flat. It's horrible. I feel like I've lost my best friend. I keep drinking it just in case it tastes ok. The kids are getting a big kick out of this. They find enjoyment out of my constant disappointment. I find this strangely annoying. They find this strangely satisfying. Usually it's the other way around. I suppose that's why I'm so annoyed and they're so satisfied. I suppose we both deserve these feelings. I will get my paybacks when they have kids. I can't wait.

www.caringbridge.org/mi/sammijean
www.caringbridge.org/visit/alecrc