Atrial...

Sam is having surgery today to change her tubing into her heart instead of her abdominal cavity. Should be a quick surgery but this has more chance for complications....Of course it does...Ok talk later...

Hurting...

Sam is not doing well....her headaches are bad almost all day and the docs want us to wait until the 10th. But I don't know if we can do that...She's missing school..This sux...Her doc is out of town and I think he is afraid, well not afraid, but doesn't want the other ns's touching her, they're a bit more aggressive than he is. Which is not always a bad thing, but he knows her and wants to see her himself. I'm going to send an email to her counselor and get her homework thru tomorrow...

25 years

I just go my invitation to 25th class reunion, high school. Need to lose loads of weight. I called Kim, my friend since 6th grade. We are thinking we might go if we can lose the weight. She said the same thing I did, who wants to go in this condition. Her husband graduated 2 years ahead of us so I'm trying to get her to leave him at home....I don't have anyone to take with me and I'm certainly not going alone. She's really the only one I talk to anymore. It's 62 bucks a person, holy crud...So I'm going to start walking today....It's getting nice out and I have absolutely no excuse whatsoever in the least....

Sam is feeling ok, this cold has kicked her ass but she seems on the upswing. Alec doesn't feel well but he never does...Caitlin is busy,getting ready to graduate. Nik has been busy working, he hasn't been able to come home tho, he's working on Mondays now. I have to go buy Green Tea today. I had some the other day and it was ok and I know it's good for you and Caitlin says it increases metabolism so I'm going to go get some. It can't hurt. I have a training meeting on Friday which is good cuz I only have 2 hours I can take off in the next 6 weeks and this will give me 3 more. Woo Hoo...I'm time off rich...

Plunging....

Toilet plugged up...Chris has my plunger...I'm not happy...Work was long but ok....Going to bed soon. Alec has to see an endocrinologist before we do anything else. I guess she will diagnose him as "failure to thrive" then we can figure out what we're doing next. Of course the appt isn't until May 26. That kind of sux but I'm not surprised. He's trying so hard to eat....but it's just so hard. Sam has a bad cold and these colds just knock her out...Doubling her cortef doesn't help much, maybe we should triple??? Caitlin is at Rachels for the weekend so it's just me and the cat and the guinea pig and the fish. I might spend the night at my dads tomorrow as Jenni and the baby are there. Ok going to bed now....Oh fun thing last night, we were on the way home from my dads and a song by Maroon 5 came on...She will be loved....Me and Cait and Sam were singing like crazy...It was just a very fun loving happy moment. On the way to my dads, a song by the Offspring came on. Sam loves them....hard rock...we scream the lyrics..you just have to...next thing we hear is Alec's little voice....screaming..it was classic...

Bed...

Have to go to work tomorrow, Tues, Fri, Sat, Sunday. Gyn appt on Wed...Woo hoo, highlight of my year...Will also talk to Dr about Alec and his non-eating status. Does he "qualify" for Feeding Tube??? I have no idea. What is the normal procedure for this..I hope to find out then. I'm not going to stand by and watch my little boy disappear.

Ok seriously, I need to go to bed....Should be an ok week. Should be...

Tired.....

Ohmigod, the last 3 days were complete hell.....Picture this...Monday, nice warm sunny windy day. First thing people must think in Redford and surrounding area (Detroit) let's go out and commit all those crimes we've been waiting all winter to commit. Here comes Ellen, working for Lisa, kind of excited to work with different people for a day....Holy Hell, 21 prisoners all day. They're almost all felons so they won't go to court til Wed or Thurs....I need, I want...Ur a bitch....Picture 12 hours of that...Emotions on that shift are kind of high...no down time....Then I come in on Wed, same thing, maybe only 17 prisoners.....People are now 24 hours more pissed off than they were yesterday and I'm sure they weren't glad to see me. Jon brings in scummy female, she promptly falls out and has a "seizure". Oh Jeez....to the hospital they go. She comes back with a spit mask over her entire head and drool all over her shirt. As soon as Bob walked in to pick her up, she shat herself....He regrets volunteering. This was my week at work. Needless to say I'm going to bed and dream of flowers and children running thru fields of gold. OY

Alec

We went to see Dr Garner on Thursday. She has suggested that maybe we bring him in for a few days over Easter break and jump start his eating. It wouldn't be an over night thing. I am going to call his doctor and see about possibly getting him evaluated for an feeding tube. He has not gained any weight or height in the last year and this is completely unacceptable to me. He's 11 years old. Should be starting puberty. He looks like he's about 9. He doesn't know about the feeding tube thing. It has been mentioned to him before and of course he gets weepy but I'm not willing to accept him as he is. He needs help.

I won't be discussing this with his father. That probably sounds crazy but Chris, in the last year, has done nothing to help Alec. Never gone to the doctors with us to find out how to help, never tried to get Alec on an eating plan. Yeah, I think he's tried to get him to eat chicken a couple of times but it wasn't with the specific intent to make it part of his life. If Alec could just eat pizza, that would be huge. He could eat it at birthday parties, and school parties and feel normal and not dread them.

We had some thunder storms last night, Alec lays there and wimpers and covers his ears. I told him over and over, quietly, that noise can't hurt him and nothing was going to happen.

They came home from Chris' house smelling like crap. Smoke, it was gross. It was too late to give them baths tho. They're still in bed. Sam is very upset about Emerald, who died a year ago yesterday... and Alec was upset because Chris was yelling at him and hitting things because Alec misplaced his cell phone. Alec was scared when he got home. That's about it. I have to work Tues, Wed and Thurs this week. Working for Lisa, who worked for me a day in February. Then we'll have a fun weekend.

When I grow up...

Sammi says she can't wait to grow up. Why??? Is it going out on your own?? Being a grown up with all the fun and responsibilities that go along with it??? Getting a car, house, husband, babies??? No, so I can tell my dad that I know he drinks and the cologne and toothpaste don't cover it up at all, like he thinks it does. That was her answer. She came home hungry yesterday because he slept the whole time they were there and wouldn't make her anything to eat, and Alec came home without his homework done because he slept the whole time they were there and Alec needs help staying focused on his homework.

This has been a crappy day. Called neurosurgery office, they will call back....Yeah , right...No call. Sam got her stitches out...Ouch, she cried a bit and there was bleeding involved, but now she's ok. Alec bummed out he still weighs 55. Caitlin bummed out she weighs more than 90 lbs. She prob weighs about 120. She's 5ft 6inches. She's perfectly perfect. I only weighed 107 lbs when I was her age, way too skinny. Sam happy she weighs 79 lbs. Jeez, she's getting hefty....Pants that fit her 2 weeks ago do no fit now. She wore her last pair of shoes for about a month, now ready for next size. I can't afford to keep up with her.. Might have to hit the resale shops. I'm so bummed out about Chris being such an ass. I keep telling myself that I can't change him and I really know that but it would be nice if he would get his head out of his ass. I told Sam today that it'll probably never happen. Bad habits are hard to break.

Long Day

I feel like I'm in a funk. The kids went to Chris' for the evening, so I stayed home with Caitlin and Rachel, who are always entertaining. They did home work then hit the sack. I wanted to go to church for ashes but then decided that would involve taking a shower and getting dressed so I declined. I love going to mass but no one ever wants to go with me. I did decide to give up fast food for Lent, that should knock off about 50 lbs by the time Easter rolls around. I took a nap today and dreamt that a whole bunch of guys at work walked in on me in the bathroom and so the next day I came back to the PD and punched them all in the face, breaking 2 pairs of glasses in the process. Now I only remember one person that was in the dream and he probably does deserve to be punched. OY