Sammi

Sam's tummy has been hurting her for 5 or 6 days. So I took her downtown yesterday and they ruled out her shunt leaking. So I take her to reg doc to find out if she has a bladder infection and if not then I'll take her downtown for an abdominal ultrasound. She's had a slight fever, which is odd for her, her temp is usually quite low, in the 97's. It's been running 99.1 or so. She missed school yesterday, I'm going to try and get her there today, the pain is usually worse in the morning which is odd.

I had court this morning. I drove there in snow storm. Got dressed, walked in and they said "I don't know why they keep issuing these subpeonas on pre-trials, they don't need you here". I guess the extra money will be nice, but it also would have been nice to stay home with my sick kid and not spend all that time on the road and use all that gas for nothing. Ridiculous.

Charlie

At work....Weirdos abound....then there are the prisoners..Best thing about my job....people I work with...Worst thing about my job...people I work with...Altho it's been much better lately....I really like my shift. It's a lot of fun. They work hard and it's a lot more fun when they're out looking for bad guys. This place is such a soap opera. No one would believe it so I can't even talk about it.

Caties mom and dad had a new baby yesterday. Can't even imagine one baby dying last Friday and having a new baby the next. Isabelle Claire. I can't even imagine. Sam says she's feeling good, altho she felt really crappy today. Alec had fun building some new ships this afternoon. OK, hopefully I'll get some good sleep today and be ready for a busy Saturday night.

Sam back in school...

Did I mention Sam is back in school? Only 2 hours a day but I told her next week it's going to be 3. Actually it'll turn out to be 4, because it includes lunch. But that will be good for her to socialize with her friends. The topamax is helping with her headaches. Tomorrow we cut out one more dose of the neurontin so that should help with the sleepiness. It's fricking cold outside. 19 degrees and windy as hell. But sunny. Alec is doing ok. He's been playing a pirate game at school everyday with a group of boys. He got an A on a social studies packet. Conferences are next week. He is still eating like crap. We're still working on it. It seems hopeless. Maybe it's just going to be up to him. I don't know. Caitlin is good and Nik is good. Things are good this week. I'm tired tho.

Done...

Done with the auto show, it was weird this year...the weather wasn't real co-operative so the first few days were dead. Saturday was packed tho. Only 110,000 showed up. I could have sworn it was 150,000. Sam is at school. Alec is at school. Caitlin is probably working. Nik is probably sleeping. I was thinking about which kid is my favorite yesterday. Everyone wonders if one of their kids is their favorite. Everyone denies it. I don't think I have a favorite, I'm not sure. Here's what drives me crazy about them. Alec is very high maintenance. So is Caitlin. I think it has something to do with the way they look when they're sleeping. They both look like babies. They have big huge eyes and a roundness about their faces the other two just don't have. Therefore, they're just big babies who cause me a lot of grief. Sam is moody. It drives me crazy. I kill myself taking care of her and she treats me like crud a lot. Giving me one syllable unintelligible answers, it is maddening. Nik is a jerk. He's impatient, stubborn and treats people like crap. Ok, now the good stuff. Alec is nice to everyone he meets until they treat him badly, he loves his mother like crazy and he is a very good son, always listens to me and always does what he's told. He's funny like Jim Carrey funny and makes us laugh all the time. Sam is smart, beautiful, funny in her own sarcastic twisted way and loves me too, even tho she hates to admit it. She faces her battles everyday with strength and humor and grace. Caitlin is loyal, funny, gorgeous and she makes me proud to be her mother everytime I talk to her. She and I are much closer than we should be. She's 18 for God's sake. She's smart and brave and I wish I were more like her. Nik is handsome and very smart (too smart) and responsible and he cares about his family very much even tho he is a 21 year old man. He makes me proud too, not letting his eyesight problems stop him. I can't wait til he moves to Chicago, then he and Caitlin can be together and be there for each other. Oh and somehow, all 4 of my kids are liberal Democrats. I don't know how that happened, but we hardly ever talked about politics when they were little. Nik and Sam are probably the most liberal. Alec is right up there and Caitlin is too....Good thing we live in Michigan, where our votes usually count for something....

New Year Post

Happy New Year. We had a good Christmas. Took Nik, Sam and Alec to Chicago to be with Caitlin. It was good to be with all 4 kids together, even if it did cost me $700. It was worth it tho. Next year I'll plan ahead and be able to save a bit of cash. Hopefully we can do it again. I will be off the weekend before Christmas but have to work Christmas Eve and Day. I got a Digital camera and a pretty glass flower and my kids together in Chicago. Might get another present on Wednesday (Suzanne, that's for you!!!!) Started at the auto show last week. I saw the singer Seal today, but didn't get to hear him sing. It's been really busy this year. Which is good, Detroit needs something good. Took the tree down today. Ornaments have been off for about a week but the lights and tree needed to come down. Now I'm left with a mess of needles. UGH.

Sam was supposed to go back to school the Thursday before Christmas, I knew she wasn't ready but I thought it's not going to hurt to push her. She feels like total shit today, excuse my french. I was so hoping she'd be ready, I don't think she will be. Headaches are still around, she's sleeping a lot. She's 5 feet 1/2 inch tall and 77 lbs. Looks like her puberty has stalled a bit so they may be starting that artificially, they've upped her gh to 2.0 mgs and they're amazed her thyroid is still working. Every other hormone in that part of her pituitary is gone. HMMMM weird, that's what her endo says. She's also having some kidney pain, appt with the nephrologist is in a couple of weeks. Don't think that would be causing headaches, but what do I know. She wants to start writing poems for kids who are sick. I think that's cool.

Alec is doing ok. Nothing has changed. We see his psychologist once a week. He's still anxiety ridden. I'm trying to learn to rid myself of anger. HA Good luck with that one. He's not eating. He wants to go to summer camp with Sam. I'm leaning towards sending him and seeing what happens. If he falls over from hunger we'll go pick him up. He's doing well in school, math tutoring and will be starting chess club soon.

Caitlin is still working at the Grand Lux Cafe. She's the front desk girl. The cutest one, I'm sure. She is still beautiful and gorgeous and happy to be alive and I love her to death. I miss her a lot.

Nik is doing well, having more trouble with his eyes than he lets on. We gave him some money for Christmas to get some new glasses. He's working hard, going to school and will be moving to Chicago at some time in the near future, he needs to live somewhere with mass transit. He is still obnoxious and selfish but he's 21 and I'm sure at some point that will be toned down somewhat, at least I hope so. OY

I'm ok. Learning to be by myself. I really don't like it. Sometimes it's harder than others. Holidays are hard. Commercials with people in love...yuck. Makes me mad. I guess jealous. Someday that might be me again. I wish it were now, even tho I know I'm not ready. My kids are more important now and I don't have time for a relationship but jeez it's hard doing all this on my own. Alec graduates from high school in 6 years. Then I'll have some time for me. Hopefully I'll live longer than my mom did. She died when she was 51. I'll be 51 in 7 years. I want more than 1 year for myself. I don't think that's a lot to ask.