WOW

We've had some changes...Nothing earth shattering...Sam is feeling pretty good generally, altho last night when she got home she showed me her back...Swelling and lumbar shunt insertion site is sunken in. JHC.....Alec is changing schools....Chris' work schedule changed so now on the days I work, there is no one to take the kids to school...So my neighbor said to call her sons school and see if they have an opening. I sent an email this morning and the principal called me back within a half hour and said bring him in tomorrow. He's so excited. No one there knows he has an eating disorder or anxiety. He's eating peanut butter sandwhiches now so he can take a normal lunch. He didn't want to take a sandwhich to school because he thought the kids would tease him about eating normal food....Anxiety is a fun thing!!! He said maybe he can make some friends....God I hope so.... I hope this works out for him.

I think Chris has figured out not to call or have contact with us when he's drinking. He didn't call Thursday night and I found out later, didn't go to work either. As long as we don't have to know that he's drinking, it's fine. He can do whatever he wants when he doesn't have the kids....He's getting Sam a new pair of glasses today. She's excited.

Caitlin turned 18 on Thursday....I feel really old. We're going to have a little party for her tonight....I can't get her a present until Friday....She wants me to open a bank account for her...LaSalle Bank, they have branches in Michigan and Illinois so it will be convenient for her. She's gorgeous and beautiful and funny and her girlfriend Rachel said, "If my mom called me as often as your mom calls you, I'd go crazy". And Caitlin said, "I'm glad she calls me, I miss her..." I love you Cutelin.....

June 25 - July 1...

That's the date......Chris had a relapse yesterday.....We talked...It's a nightmare.... I don't even think I can type about it. Basically he's saying he needs inpatient treatment, but can't do inpatient because he works....I'm sure there are a lot of people in his boat.....There must be something he can do....I don't know...I'm tired of his problems...

Green, my favorite color

She has a green valve now, it's an adult valve....She seems to be feeling better, no headache since yesterday, when they put it in. We're home now. Things went pretty well. Finally, we got to see Dr Sood and he said the diagnosis of constipation we got last week is ridiculous since she doesn't drain into her abdomen anymore. He said bring her into the clinic tomorrow, we'll admit her from there and we won't have to worry about referrals. He was awesome. They did the ICP monitor and showed low pressures, so they put in higher pressure valve and voila, she's better.

Do I feel strong??? Nope, but I must be because I'm not a drug addict or an alcoholic and I don't beat my kids and I feel like I do a good job at work, most of the time.....

Getting rest of the Camp Sunshine app filled out tomorrow...Have you done yours???? Love

Shit...

Chris...MIA....I call him yesterday because I'm at work and Sam is at school without lunch money. First time I call, no answer. Second time I call, intoxicated Chris answers. I said just forget it, you can't go up to school in this condition....he says, I already did..I had to take her a tylenol. But she was ok, (he implies, she didn't notice but later I find out she did notice and was mortified.) I told him that he can no longer continue this, what if she needed to go to the hospital. He starts crying and says it's getting really bad and he's either going to live or die. He says I wouldn't believe what he's contemplating. The dispatcher in me comes out....What are you contemplating sir... He wouldn't tell me but I didn't get the feeling he's suicidal...Unless you consider drinking yourself to death. I told him I still loved him and that this was killing me too. He said he knew that...

His mom ended up coming to the station to drop off a corsage for Sammi's induction into the National Honor Society.....I told her he needed help. He was treated for alcoholism about 20 years ago and his mom was shocked to find out he's still been drinking. She had no idea. I'm sure no one in his family did, except my sister in law who deals with the same problem with her husband, Chris' brother.

Chris' car hasn't been home all night and he didn't go to work last night, so I'm not sure where he is. He hasn't been arrested and I called a couple of hospitals. I'm not really worried but there's always that little niggle of doubt that he's gone and done something.

Alec and Sam are worried about him, he should at least call tonight, to let them know he's ok. Not sure how the kids are going to get to and from school tomorrow.....Alec has a half day...This is a fricking nightmare....

****Later...Chris is ok, says he spent the night at a hotel so he wouldn't be yelled at all night...He sounds sober and says he's going to find somewhere to get outpatient treatment....says meetings don't work for him and he can't do inpatient as he has to work.....

This week...

Not sure but I think this week is going to sux....Sam home but still feeling crappy....Alec not eating well...Caitlin graduating and I can't afford it....How much stress is one person suppose to be able to handle??? And to top it off, I have a trainee tomorrow. Dispatching is stressful enough without watching and being responsible for someone else. But it's her third phase and she's pretty good from what I understand, so it shouldn't be too bad. I've overdrawn my checking account and I think my coping account is about to be overdrawn....OY