New Year Post

Happy New Year. We had a good Christmas. Took Nik, Sam and Alec to Chicago to be with Caitlin. It was good to be with all 4 kids together, even if it did cost me $700. It was worth it tho. Next year I'll plan ahead and be able to save a bit of cash. Hopefully we can do it again. I will be off the weekend before Christmas but have to work Christmas Eve and Day. I got a Digital camera and a pretty glass flower and my kids together in Chicago. Might get another present on Wednesday (Suzanne, that's for you!!!!) Started at the auto show last week. I saw the singer Seal today, but didn't get to hear him sing. It's been really busy this year. Which is good, Detroit needs something good. Took the tree down today. Ornaments have been off for about a week but the lights and tree needed to come down. Now I'm left with a mess of needles. UGH.

Sam was supposed to go back to school the Thursday before Christmas, I knew she wasn't ready but I thought it's not going to hurt to push her. She feels like total shit today, excuse my french. I was so hoping she'd be ready, I don't think she will be. Headaches are still around, she's sleeping a lot. She's 5 feet 1/2 inch tall and 77 lbs. Looks like her puberty has stalled a bit so they may be starting that artificially, they've upped her gh to 2.0 mgs and they're amazed her thyroid is still working. Every other hormone in that part of her pituitary is gone. HMMMM weird, that's what her endo says. She's also having some kidney pain, appt with the nephrologist is in a couple of weeks. Don't think that would be causing headaches, but what do I know. She wants to start writing poems for kids who are sick. I think that's cool.

Alec is doing ok. Nothing has changed. We see his psychologist once a week. He's still anxiety ridden. I'm trying to learn to rid myself of anger. HA Good luck with that one. He's not eating. He wants to go to summer camp with Sam. I'm leaning towards sending him and seeing what happens. If he falls over from hunger we'll go pick him up. He's doing well in school, math tutoring and will be starting chess club soon.

Caitlin is still working at the Grand Lux Cafe. She's the front desk girl. The cutest one, I'm sure. She is still beautiful and gorgeous and happy to be alive and I love her to death. I miss her a lot.

Nik is doing well, having more trouble with his eyes than he lets on. We gave him some money for Christmas to get some new glasses. He's working hard, going to school and will be moving to Chicago at some time in the near future, he needs to live somewhere with mass transit. He is still obnoxious and selfish but he's 21 and I'm sure at some point that will be toned down somewhat, at least I hope so. OY

I'm ok. Learning to be by myself. I really don't like it. Sometimes it's harder than others. Holidays are hard. Commercials with people in love...yuck. Makes me mad. I guess jealous. Someday that might be me again. I wish it were now, even tho I know I'm not ready. My kids are more important now and I don't have time for a relationship but jeez it's hard doing all this on my own. Alec graduates from high school in 6 years. Then I'll have some time for me. Hopefully I'll live longer than my mom did. She died when she was 51. I'll be 51 in 7 years. I want more than 1 year for myself. I don't think that's a lot to ask.